dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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