He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
