Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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