I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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