he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
