He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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