dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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