Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
