I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize