Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
