How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
