oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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