We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
