If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
