I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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