i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
