I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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