bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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