I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
