Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
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There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
When are your genitals available?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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