ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
