if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
