Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dicks are not precious.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
