I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
