I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize