White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
