Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
