I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
