I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
