Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
