i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who died my cat blue again?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
