the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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