You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
