I think my vagina is haunted
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
