and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
