why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
