I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
