Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
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party gras won. party gras always wins.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
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As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat