I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.