the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake