he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
bring money and cleavage
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????