Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
