Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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