tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
