I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
