honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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