dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
