Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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