My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
