You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
