you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this just has baby written all over it
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
