Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
