We named our party play list daddy issues
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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