I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
