They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
