I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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