I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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