I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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