so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
