Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Dicks are not precious.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
