Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
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So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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