matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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