Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
