I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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