Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize