Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
50% drunk capacity currently
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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