I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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