I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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